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A Huge Explanation

Oh my dear sweet friends - I am incredibly sorry for my partial blog post (earlier this morning) that caused confusion.  I am deeply touched by each of your emails to make sure I was okay.  Thank you so much for caring.  

I want to reassure you I am doing fine and to explain what happened.  I was working on a blog post (a rough draft) and must have pushed the "publish" button instead of the "save".  Sometimes I do a lot of editing before I publish my posts and I had only begun to write my post this morning and I mentioned the word "goodbye".

This morning (Sunday) I was feeling incredibly sad and heartbroken.  I was going to have to say goodbye to all my cyber -friends, close my Etsy store and stop posting on my blog due to losing internet access on Tuesday.  I just couldn't stand the thought of one more loss in my life - the friends and connections I have made through the world wide web is how I have started to rebuild my life these past 18 months and has been my primary way to connect with my family and friends.  My Etsy shop has been a form of therapy for me.  Ironically I didn't start Etsy to make money - it was a way to keep creating things and something to look forward to every day.    

I lost my job about a year and a half ago for blowing the whistle on coworkers. I ended up in the doctors office and diagnosed as having PTSD.  Ultimately  the doctors say I am disabled and no longer able to work.  It has cost me a great deal financially including the loss of my health insurance benefits.  I am 1000 miles away from my daughters and grandsons and I miss them terribly.  On Saturday I had a mammogram and also went to visit the grave site for the love of my life and discovered he had no headstone.  And Monday is the one year anniversary of my youngest sister taking her own life.  In other words - its been a pretty emotionally draining weekend.  

However the way I felt this morning and the way I am tonight is different (other than I do have a headache).  I truly believe God never gives us more than we can handle.  And yet - I have moments when I am weary and tired and start wondering what is going to happen next and forget who is ultimately in control.  It's not always easy because I like to be in control whenever possible but when I let go and trust in God and in His plans for my life - there are blessings and even miracles to be found.  My best friend told me 20 years ago I am the only person she knows who falls into a pile of poop but crawls back out holding a bunch of diamonds.  To me - that's the power of God. 

Eight months ago my sister and brother-in-law opened their home and hearts to help me begin rebuilding my life.  My sister tells me I have been a blessing for them too!!  And through their incredible love and support I am able to stay connected.  God has provided a warm safe place for me (and Hercules) to live and I really do feel blessed.  

Thank you again for caring!!

Hugs and smiles

Laine
  


Comments

  1. Hello Laine I'm so sorry for all the loss and misery you have been through and can relate to how you are feeling. I'm so glad you are Ok and still fighting. The hugest of hugs and thankyou for the message. Caroline xxx

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  2. Hi Laine, thanks for getting back to me - I was a little worried, well a lot! I have just sent you another email - I really mean what I say. Take care and lots of hugs!! Karon xxx

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  3. So sorry for all the loss that you have gone through! And really glad that you are fighting! Hugs vicky

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  4. Oh, I am so glad to finally see this post. I was gravely troubled at the blurb I saw yesterday. I am also so glad that you are ok. God is good. He is always with us and I find in my darkest hours, His presence and care are the sweetest. Please take care. I understand how therapeutic these connections are to my own sanity. God bless you. Yvonne

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  5. Hi Laine
    I am so sorry about all the things you have been through. Until one can walk in the person's shoes one can only imagine. Living through and fighting through it every day is another story! I am glad you are OK (one never really is 100%) if you know what I mean. I hope your strength within and support from your loved ones is going to help you deal with all unimaginable awfulness that has happened in your life and you are going to find a healthy balance and start enjoying your life even more.
    I have got my own issues I have been battling with for 11 years now! For the past 3 years I have been wondering what's the point and what still keeps me going! I am housebound,bed ridden with unbearable pain and depressed to the core yet there is still some little flicker of hope inside me that one day I may get slightly better and enjoy my existence a bit more.
    Both of us are in different boats to speak but let's hope there are calm waters ahead.
    Thinking of you,Laine and sending you a hug.
    Michaela xx

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  6. Sharing is often therapy in itself. May the journey make you a stronger person.
    Big Warm Hugs Desíre {Doing Life - my personal blog}

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  7. Laine, I am so glad that you feel a little brighter....you scared me! I hate to think that you have had to go through all this turmoil and heartbreak and loss.....we are usually able to cope with a few troubles at any given time, but sometimes the Lord asks us to stretch our faith just that much more.....and we feel at breaking point. I am so very glad that you realise that He loves you, and knows your strengths and your weaknesses, and sometimes He gives us trouble and heartbreak so we may learn where our strengths and weaknesses are, and act upon what we learn. Please know that you are mentioned, by name, in my prayers.....and I know, without a doubt, that He hears and answers. Blessings to you, Laine. x

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  8. so sorry. it's heavy as lead. but wish You manage with all difficulties.
    God bless You.

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  9. Hugs, dear lady. Your faith is immeasurable and will move mountains!

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With hugs and smiles

Laine

www.hugs4theheartdesigns.blogspot.com

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